woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
