I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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