the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
