so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
