Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
