i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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