Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
50% drunk capacity currently
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
