I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
