the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i've created a new STD.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
