I just pynch a tree in the face
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my shit smells like andre
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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