so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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