I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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