he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
