i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
