I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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