Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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