I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
