Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
