I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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