god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
