...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
