I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
