Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
