Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
