Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I have demons in me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
