dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
