I got her a Nickelback box set.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
