P.S. I can't hear my feet
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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