you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
