i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
