yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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