Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize