i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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