Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
