My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
