I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
