if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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