Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
