Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
