I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
