I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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