a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
