I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize