Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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