I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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