She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Send help, water and tortillas.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
