Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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