like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
