We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize