He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
