So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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