Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
