I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
