Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
