can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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