That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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