my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
