i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
