we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
