I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
