R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
