I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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