I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
jump out the window naked night went bad
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
