i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
