i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
