Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
