We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
