who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
