can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
