i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
