HIV tests are more positive than that guy
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
