I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
