Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
