I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
