I am in a vortex of obligation.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
