he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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