i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize