there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
