I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
