We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
