so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
