so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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