My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
