i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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