My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
