I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize