what day is it and did you see me today?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just forgot I was standing up.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
