I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
