Porn is love you can see.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
