I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
