he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
