the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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