Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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