I'm so fucking centered right now
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
