Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
