I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
