i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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