Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So here I am, sexting at work.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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