I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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