On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize