Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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