so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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