so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
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