Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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