I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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