You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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