when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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