I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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